Knotty Little Hooker

This morning, I was cruising the Spacebook as I usually do, and saw a post a friend had posted. In the post, a picture of a sink loaded with dirty dishes are seen, counter tops need to be cleaned, and I am sure trash needs to be taken out along with a lot of other household chores. My friend captioned the post saying Her dishes because clearly, she needs help and I'm already wishing she would've asked me for it.    It made me look at the stack of dishes I have that need done. Almost every plate we own is dirty, a lot of silver wear, and random pots and pans. It made me think of the handful plus of dog hair that was raked off the living room floor yesterday, and the stack of dirty laundry in our bathroom, along with the numerous other household chores that are behind. I commented to her post with Would you like to see my kitchen?   Sometimes we have to listen closer to our friends we know struggle. As that friend, it's so hard to say... I need help. It makes us feel e...

It's been about 2 weeks since I've washed my hair. Probably been about that long since I have run a brush through it. I don't have the type of hair that gets super oily easily. So, I can get away with not washing my hair probably longer than most can it's a bonus for my depression.  Maybe about halfway through that 2-week timeframe, this board straight bleach blonde hair of mine was just bothering me. Brushing my neck, tickling my ear, giving me the feeling that something was crawling on me. So up into a bun it went. I don't wear my hair up often, ok I can rephrase that to almost never, if my hair is up, it's probably mid-July or August and I am just so stinking hot I can't stand it anymore. that's usually the only time I wear it up. After about a week, it's a semi tangled mess, but I do enjoy the volume it gives unbrushed, and the texture of the tangles helps to hold an updo. I usually don't roll it to tight, nor do I sinch it to my head tight. ...

It's May, the weather is pleasant, and the birds are singing, and I  woke up a bit earlier than usual. 7am to be exact. The wind was blowing a cool breeze into the bedroom, the blanket was covering my eyes from the light also coming in the window, I was in complete bliss with my two loves snuggled in close still snoring away. Except for one problem. I had to pee. No matter how hard I try and how much I debate on just letting it go in the bed, (you know you have considered it too.) I have yet figured out how to control my brain and bladder to cooperate with me until I am ready. So, I was awake. Now, we all have our wake-up morning routines, some are full of activities, others are quiet and peaceful. Personally, I like the quiet ease into the day type mornings, I also don't like to start any kind of work until after Noon at least so there's that. Almost every day for the last 3 years, my mornings have looked like this wake up, go to the bathroom, let Dixie out to potty, start...

Why am I even doing this? I honestly have no fucking idea!! I've asked myself that so many times over the last several days. ok in my lifetime too, but I've asked it a lot over the last week simply because I want an answer. I want an answer to what is driving me to sit down and hack away at the keyboard, ok kinda because my nails are still super long, and I haven't made a decision there yet. Let me be real, I don't have the energy do to anything with them yet.  What is making me want to sit here and type out my life, my thoughts, my fears, my feelings, and my soul. Why isn't my hour-long weekly therapy session enough for that? I mean the world is gonna see this. What is this going to help? Is it going to help or is bearing everything that I am gonna hurt me?  Who is gonna take and use every word against me? Who is gonna tell me I am wrong or I dont know what I am talking about. Who is gonna make me feel that I dont matter?  I am doing this for no one but me because ...

I have no clue what this is, or what it is going to be.  Not anything in particular, just this blog. if it even qualifies as a blog. All of the blogs I have seen all have a common theme. A chef that posts different tools, recipes and ingredients. A crafter that shows a new technique, new yarn, or a new pattern. This isn't going to be that. Ok, I can't say that, for sure. I do know that this is going to be about my life, past and present, in my words without worry. I am going to let it take me where it will. Let it become what it will become. All I do know is I want to be as transparent as I possibly can. These are my feelings; this is my truth as I see it and mostly feel it. I am hiding nothing, putting it out there. Even if I don't know how to, even if it's not detailed, or in chronological order. I just know I need to.  I have to.  I need to heal from what the world has thrown at me. from things I didn't ask for happening to things done to me that I did not deserv...

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. These are  some simple basic facts I copy and pasted from the CDC website, so there is a clear understanding of what Mental Health is. What is mental health? Mental health includes our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel, and act. It also helps determine how we handle stress, relate to others, and make healthy choices. Mental health is important at every stage of life, from childhood and adolescence through adulthood. How common are mental illnesses? Mental illnesses are among the most common health conditions in the United States. More than 1 in 5 US adults live with a mental illness. Over 1 in 5 youth (ages 13-18) either currently or at some point during their life, have had a seriously debilitating mental illness. 5 About 1 in 25 U.S. adults' lives with a serious mental illness, such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or major depression. 6 What causes mental illness? There is no single c...

Don't even ask me what I am doing because I have no clue either. I just guess if I am going to do this, I have to start somewhere.  So here we go. Where do we go?  where is somewhere? Is somewhere here, or there, or somewhere  else, hell I don't know. Maybe you do. I just know that right now I don't. I do know wherever I start, it will require me to type. I like to type, and think I am pretty good at it. I can't type using some of the specific fingers they teach you to in school, but I can type.  I like to think I type as colloquial  as I talk , Thats a neat word, colloquial. I like the way it sounds when it is said, and it is just a big enough of a word that it makes people raise their eyebrows in disbelief when you slide it into a conversation.  It shows  you're a little smarter than you let on, or what people want to see about you...... I also know I love my nails. I don't know where it comes from, except for maybe my grandma, she always had nice lo...